The ideal college experience doesn't exist

*As I'm writing this I'm in a very peculiar mood as I am recovering from getting my wisdom teeth removed and am on some strong drugs

**I've had to much caffeine while writing this

***This is word vomit. But it gets better in the last paragraphs, I promise. I hope.

Before I went to university, I had this image built up of what the ideal university experience looked like. Now I know that the ideal college experience does not exist. It's not like what you see in the movies are in photos.

The underlying message I was constantly told was that 1) partying is fun 2) you should go to them 3) it's a big part of university life. If you don't party at least once, you are missing out on the university experience. But this message is something that I do not relate to.

I went to one real party throughout this whole school year and did not enjoy it. It was well-organized and the decorations were actually quite beautiful. A lot of rainbows, glitter, gold string, lights, and balloons. But as I walked in to the crowd of people dancing I lost all my friends and this might have lead to this next feeling, boredom. I stood there thinking, why am I here? What do I do with myself? I just didn't get the point, I mean yeah dancing is great but not with this this music?! At least I was getting exercise i guess? But why not just dance wild in your room where you can have all the space in the world and can actually BREATHE?

To put in short, I didn't enjoy partying with big crowds. And you don't have to enjoy them if you don't want to. But whether I do or don't enjoy parties shouldn't change whether another person does or does not. It's all about YOUR preference and finding what YOU find entertaining and enjoyable on a Saturday night. No one should feel pressured or ashamed for not enjoying parties or feeling as though they aren't living the ideal university life if they aren't out. The "ideal" university life is one that you personalize and is different for everyone.

At times during the year I questioned why I didn't enjoy parties or want to go to them because if "everyone" goes to them and loves them then isn't there something wrong with me? Is this normal? Is this okay? Is my preference of not enjoying parties a truth or that i'm doing something wrong? And to be honest I can't truly answer this question with full confidence yet. However, I can say that it has been one of the most exciting of years where I've met and become friends with some of the most amazing people.